Original Cause I
The Unseen Role of Denial
Ceanne De Rohan
I know that you have at sometime said to yourselves, “If there is a God who has any power, then why is it the way it is on Earth? “
The ways in which people have answered this question to themselves have consisted mostly of the rationalizations designed to help them feel better able to accept what their true feelings do not want to accept. Lost Will is the reason why things are as they are on Earth.
In the beginning I had feelings I did not know I had. Now that I know I have these feelings, I must accept them as part of myself, and know longer say that God is not feeling angry when he is. I have many feelings I am now owning, but I would like to focus on anger first because anger has been judged against more than any other emotion in Creation.
I have said for a long time that I am not angry and have never been angry. When men have said that I am an angry God, I have not liked it, nor have I liked the things that men have done to try to appease Me. If anything, the anger I saw around me made me more angry, and yet, I have said that I am not angry and that God does not get angry. At other times I have said that I really wished I’d never created man; so sinful are his ways.
The misunderstanding here needs to be cleared up now. I have had, and still have, great anger, but it is not the kind of anger that men have feared that I have.
The only anger that has been seen on Earth is anger that is laden with judgments against it and acted out according to these judgments. When Man has said that I have anger, and I have seen the pictures of what men on Earth know as anger, I have not then been able to agree with man that I had this anger.
I had an image of myself that did not include this anger, and so Lost Will has held the anger that I said I did not have. I have long since let go of what made My anger look like anger has been looking on Earth, but I lacked understanding as to why that kind of anger has been present in the Will for so long.
The Spiritual essence is not magnetic; it is electric, it moves quickly, and does not hold onto anything for a long. The Will, on the other hand, has never seemed to move certain things out of its self. I have felt the magnetic energy to be maddeningly slow at times and too frantically fast at other times. The magnetic energy has not had the balance I have found to be so necessary to longevity and immortality. I have blamed the Will for not getting rid of the things that I have found are not beneficial to living. If the Spirit knows that certain body habits produced death sooner or later, then why do the emotions desire these things?
I have pondered this problem with the Will for so long, that body has felt maybe it is meant to die. Death has been especially hard for the body when it has enjoyed serving the Spirit and has not wanted the partnership to end. It has even seemed at times as though the Will has deliberately drawn death into the Body just to oppose Spirit, which has desire to live forever. Spirit has found that the Will has the power to kill the manifested Body, but did not believe the Will had the power to kill the Spirit itself.
I have recently
recognized that the Will also has the power to kill me; it is just that I go
last, after everything else. Lost Will has had the desire to kill Me because I
have not accepted it and given it the light it needs in order to live. Lost Will
is not wrong in having the desire to kill Me, because I would have continued to
Lost Will if it had not thrown this reality in My face.
I had ignored Lost Will for so long that I had convinced Myself that it was not even a part of me. Even though a place in Myself kept telling me I was wrong, I had Myself quite fairly convinced that there was evil in My Creation, and somehow, I always going to have to defeat it. Even the part of Me that told Me I was wrong did not have the understandings I am going to give now.
One part of Me said that I had a devil in My Creation, who was My adversary, and that I had to defeat him because I would never have peace as long as he was present. The other part of me said that what I perceived as “evil to be eradicated “ was actually a necessary part of Creation, and that I must learn to live with it because it provided the counterbalance I needed. One side said I could not live with it and the other side I could not live without it. One side set me up to feel like a potential murderer, and the other side made me feel like I was going to have to sacrifice myself. I had aversion to either side prevailing, but I could not see for along time any way to bring the two sides together in any way that really had validity.
I saw Spirits sacrificing themselves in the name of love to an unloving and uncaring evil, and I saw the spirits that marched forth to fight this evil suffering the same end. I even saw spirits that tried not to take sides getting overrun by evil for no apparent reason.
I had to watch this for a long time in order to understand it; for so long, in fact, that I had guilt over the spirits that were having to suffer through it. I have found now that I am almost too late to heal it. I have a massive healing job on My hands and may not even be able to do it without the help the Manifested Spirits can give Me.
Even though I know now this to be true understanding, I am still having trouble getting anyone other than My own Heart to take Me seriously. I must take responsibility that is mine for the problems I am having in getting the Spirits to listen to Me, and to know that it is God they are hearing; however, the Manifested Spirits must now take responsibility for themselves also.
I have responsibility for having projected images of Myself as God, including the one that says I have no anger as men have anger. I fell prey to many things that threatened my feeling that it was all right that I was God. Guilt and the evil I had to face, without realizing where they had come from, were two of the big ones, although there are many more that I cannot list here.
The Manifested Spirits need to take responsibility for having looked upon the images of Myself that were passing through Me, fixing on the ones they liked, and refusing to looking anything else about Me.
One of the images the Manifested Spirits have most like to fix upon is the one that lets them out of their own responsibility by giving it all to Me. I am supposed to be the one that has all the answers and the powers to fix anything no matter what is.
The other polarity says that there is no God consciousness’ or power other than what is manifest in man himself. Neither one of these images are correct; but the ways in which these images are correct and the ways in which these images are incorrect has to be seen in light of the understandings I need to give now.
Because I have tried to give these understandings many times before and have not been able to get them across, I must point out that understanding them is dependent on you opening to receive them. If you have intent to understand, you will not fail to get the understandings you need, even if you have to go through fear, anger, doubt and even terror and rage in the process of coming to know whether these understandings are right or not. I know that these understandings are right and I want you to feel whatever emotion you need to feel to know in your Will that these understandings are right. I did not want you to accept these understandings because someone says it is My word.
I have to introduce material you have not wanted to look at. I had an aversion to looking at it Myself, but I had to look in order to understand how to heal it; and more than that, I had to experience the feelings involved in order to know whether or not I have true understanding of the forms I was seeing. This meant that I had to experience the situation; I could not project my viewpoint or My feelings onto it. When I have not really experience the situation, I failed to heal Lost Will.
And what is Lost Will? To get the understandings of what Lost Will is and what it means to Creation, I had to go back to the very beginning, long before the spirits manifested individual consciousness. I had to understand why I have felt all along that something was not right within the Mother. She had fear from the very beginning and I had to understand why, and I had to understand in terms that would help her.
I had tried to heal the Mother of fearing all the time and had little or no success. Many times I thought I had healed her, only to have a reversal take Her down again. I finally figured out that it must be something She held in her magnetic field that did not allow Her to take in My light and hold it. I hated Her for this, although I originally denied My hatred. I have to own this hatred now that I have realized it is not wrong to hate what She has been holding, although it was not right to hate Her for having held it.
The Will has been holding death and the guilt that told her that she had to make a place for everything. The feeling in the Will now is that it cannot hold death and guilt anymore. The Will must be healed now. The pain Will has experienced from holding death and guilt is unbearable, and it cannot go on living if it has to hold death and guilt any longer. I realized quite some time ago that Will needed to let go of death and guilt. I could not understand why the Will continue to hold these things when it had been made clear to Me that the pain of holding them was unbearable
I finally realized that the Will has a difficult time ridding itself of anything it is holding because of the magnetism involved. The process of the Will has for clearing itself has been given no acceptance, and so, the Will has not been able to clear.
The Will has to be allowed the freedom to go through its process now. The Will has to be allowed to express as much emotion as it needs to express to generate enough vibratory power to move death and guilt out of itself. The strongest emotions the Will is capable of generating are the emotions the Will and needs to generate to be able to move death and guilt out. Because death and guilt have no consciousness that guides them to their right place, they must be put in their right place by a force that is greater than the hold they have on the Will’s magnetic field.
You can easily see by the number of people that believe death is inevitable and that guilt is necessary to have conscience that their hold on the Will is nothing to scoff at. You have to understand that it is almost impossible to heal the Will at all, and the longer you wait, the closer to impossible it is going to become.
Some spirits still have no ability to understand what I am saying, and these spirits and should not be pressured by anyone wanting them to heal. These spirits either have a process you do not yet understand, or they are spirits that need more experience before they will understand that the Will must be free. You must feel free within yourself to know whether these teachings are right for you now or not. If you have a continuing great resistance to this book and to not believe it is right, you probably have another process for healing, or you are a spirit that needs to go outside of Me to learn what is involved in sustaining life and whether or not you desire to have life.
I have said earlier that I will be as merciful as possible in how I proceed to put everyone in their right place and I intend to be. You need to understand that going outside of Me is just the experience the Mother has sought to save the Manifested Spirits from having to have. She still has fragments of Herself that are living outside of Me, and She is barely able to stand healing what they have gone through; however, if you cannot accept these teachings from Me now, you will have to gain the experience needed by going outside of me. Mercy in this case means that if you have a version to freeing the Will, the Will that wants life now will not accompany you into this experience, because this Will has no more desire to feel what it feels when outside of Me. You will have consciousness for as long is you need to have it, to see what you need see, but you will not be able to feel very much at all. You must not think that this lack of feeling means you have mastered the experience of going outside of Me. If you have feelings now that love will be missing, you are not wrong, and you’ll have to decide whether love is important to you or not, for without it, life everlasting is impossible.
If you decide that you want to go on living, you will have to be rescued by the Mother, and you will have to beg her to come to you and to forgive you for not respecting her in the first place. Everything else said on the subject in the other book was the Mother influencing the channeling in an attempt to bring more mercy to more time of forward for the Manifested Spirits. I let Her do this because she needed more time to understand and so did you. What you must understand now is that time has run out. I can give no more. The maximum time allotment has been given. I cannot wait any longer to heal the Will that has desire to live.
And why would the Mother, who has suffered the pain that must now be healed in the Will, want to beg for more mercy for the ones that have denied Her? Because the Mother could not bear to feel that she might cut off someone who might still turn toward the Light. The Mother has also had to deal with guilt around this issue. For one thing, she did not want God to be seen as a fanatical dictator telling others how they must live. Guilt around my power has made unloving dictatorships on Earth reflect the judgments involved.
I also had guilts holding Me back on these two points for a long time, but I have come to understand that the loving thing is to have guilt moved out and then to give the Manifested Spirits the lessons they need.
Reality is that the Mother does not like it because She has such an aversion to the experience of being outside of Me in because She has aversion to having to go back out there to rescue anyone; but She does understand now that I am right on this point and She has aligned with Me on it. Once My Body aligns with Me it will happen. Body is not yet quite aligned with Me on this issue because of some of His essence will go on outside of me to give form to what happens there, and he does not like it that we have to go to such great lengths to let some spirits learn what He feels they should know already. The Father of Manifestation, who is My Body, is enraged over this and still feels guilty that He is enraged. He is still letting guilt tell Him that it is unloving to put some spirits out, but I am saying that he will soon align with Me.
Lost Will seeking life needs to know that it is not going outside of me. Lost Will has already been out there and it is not going to remain there unless it has no desire to live anymore. What is going outside of Me is Spirit polarity essence that has shown me it does not love the Will and does not intend to open to its healing. This essence has lived “High on the hog” while its own Lost Will has struggled for life at the subsistence level. This essence has always insisted that the Lost Will created its own reality and had the same chances and opportunities the Spirit had. The Spirit essence that has to go outside of Me has always insisted that it is right, and has turned a deaf ear on all pleas from the Will polarity for help. This essence will at first notice little change in its life when it goes outside of Me, until it tries to feel something.
If you have questions as to what the Lost Will is and how to heal it, you will need to read all the books I am giving now because I cannot give you a simple and short understanding that will help you. I must tell you, though, that Lost Will has been possessed by unlovingness and forced to do its bidding. This is how evil got started my Creation. The amount of unlovingness there is on Earth tells you how much Lost Will has to be healed. But the amount is not all there is; the feelings held in the Lost Will have been compressed and are not moving. The expansion these feelings must go through to again vibrates as light is something you need to experience to understand.
You have to know already that guilt has great power on Earth and death is considered inescapable. The Will has been conditioned to believe this for so long that it is not easy to turn it around now. The Will has believed that it must sacrifice in the name of love by taking in denial and death and holding it so that the Spirit can have everlasting life. The Will has actually been loving enough that it has tried to do this, and has believed that I am so loving that I could not have assigned it this role unless it was deserved.
The Mother has tried everything to make Herself give in and accept death, but cannot stand the compression involved. To be living, vibrating essence, experiencing the compression it takes to be reduced to nothing has to be the most terrible torture there is. It is only Spirit polarity people who do not understand this already, and yet, many of them have shamed the Will polarity people for trying to give Spirit polarity this understanding. Many Spirit polarity people have told Will people that they are spiritually inferior for not being able to accept death, and what’s more, accept it with the poise the Spirit polarity has demonstrated. It is impossible for the Will polarity to do this. The Will polarity cannot die without feeling it has no place to go because it cannot lift out of the body the way the Spirit has been able to do. Will has felt abandoned when Spirit has left it at death. Even Body has an ability to polarize to Spirit and abandon the Will to itself.
Spirit and Heart are not really separate from Will and Body but the split between them has been going on for so long that almost everyone believes that Will is suppose to get denied and the Body is supposed to serve the Spirit until it dies.
Heart is the son of God, but even this has not yet been fully understood on Earth. I have four parts, not just two, but the split between the Spirit in the flesh has been so deep and has gone on for so long that it is not going to be easy to change the conditioning in the Will. The Will has been told for so long that it is not part of Me that, even now it is still having trouble believing that it is a part of Me.
Well, what about Divine Will then? The subject of the Divine Will is so replete with misunderstandings that I am having to send, not one, but several books to Earth to say what needs to be said about the Will. I have desire to be accepted for what I have to say and not judged again. To get these understandings, I had to go way back in look at everything. I saw that the more free the Will is, the more Light my creation manifests.
You also need to understand that I have given this channeling in the face of great difficulty on the part of the person receiving it. She has been so triggered into her own process so many times that she has been almost unable to continue, and yet, she has appreciated the healing brought to her by these understandings and has tried her best to bring them forward in the most clear manner possible. She has not been able to receive some things yet, but you have no readiness to hear them yet either. I have also had to make concessions to the English language that I do not like having to make, in order to get these teachings into words for you. There is not a language on Earth today that contains all the concepts I need, although some contain more than others. I am currently using time as a reference point for the progression of consciousness because time is how events have been experienced on Earth. It is not possible to give these understandings another way right now and make sense of what you need to be told. I have requested that there be no editing because no one understands this material enough to edit it without increasing the risk of misinterpretation.
I have a reason for everything I have done here. If you have frustration that you cannot not follow this writing or understand it, or if you have fear that it is not right, go-ahead and be frustrated, be frightened, or get angry. Throw the book down if you need to. Allow yourself to get this emotionally triggered as you can because movement in the emotional body is the most healing thing you can do now.
Healing is what I have in mind and not the doomsday that some believe the Earth changes will bring. When the Will breaks loose and begins to move, it is going to look like doomsday, and feel like it too, but believe me, it is not doomsday. It is going to be the picture of what denial, guilt and death have done to the loving Will essence it has processed for so long. Loving essence that has been held down shall be lifted up and the unlovingness that has held it down shall be thrown down in its place. You have to understand that this is right in order to align with it and not to be victimized by it.
If you are feeling now that you want more understandings, you need to read this book and quite possibly the book I have given before this one. If you have already been working on healing the part of your Will that is still vibrating enough to be recovered without outside help, you are gaining the personal power you need to heal your Lost Will. The time for healing your lost Will will, come when you have readiness for it and no sooner.
I have given the story in this book as a beginning in understanding Original Cause. The great cosmic forces involved in Creation have been observed by people on Earth, but these same people have not felt the cosmic forces enough to know what they really are. They have observed that the great cosmic forces are an electro magnetic field of great splendor and power, but they have not realized that this energy is the consciousness that originated everything and the Mother of all life, the Heart that balances it and the Form that manifests it. Whether this is right or not is something that cannot be known unless it is felt to be true within the one observing it.
The separation of form and essence that has taken place on Earth has made it difficult for the ones that have form to feel what their essence s is, or to know whether they have perceived it to correctly or not. Recovering the Will so that the truth can be felt is the only way the truth ever will be known. I am not going to allow man to continue dissecting Me to try and find out what I m, because man can never know as long as his mind gives him theories and he denies the feeling body that can let him know what is true understanding and what is not. I found that most of these men do not seek a true understanding. They seek instead to take my power and use it themselves. If they take this power and use it without Will to guide them, they will destroy everything I have created. This is their intent, no mistake about it, and when they do it, they must destroy only that which desires to go.
I have given the story in this book to help you understand that the great cosmic forces love and feel, have heart and express themselves in creation. This story is not meant to be taken as symbolic only. Although there are symbols in the story, they have the integrity of being the actual experiences which took place and can also become the models for everything else. As models, they have also become symbols, just as one man’s story can speak for others.
The experiences I had originally have become the model for all who would follow after me. I have originated everything that is. I had consciousness before I had force. I have originated even the great cosmic forces that I am. I have experienced Myself in order to know Myself, and I have to teach you in the order in which I learned it Myself, or you will not have the ability to learn it at all.
The truth never lies, but the truth also does not give what cannot be accepted. If those who have intent to kill Me ask Me how they can do this, I will not tell them. I seek life and I have had to understand how to live in order to have life. There are many ways in which living essence can be run down until it no longer exists. At times I have felt that the Manifested Spirits all had intent to kill themselves in this way. I saw that many had desire to kill the Mother who gave them life. Many have acted as though once they had been given life, they did need their Mother anymore. I saw that these did not understand what life is.
The Manifested Spirits must understand now that I am God, because I generate the life that sustains them, and they are Manifested Spirits because they must receive from me or they cannot live. I have gone around and around on this point with many spirits who want to insist that they are God the same as I am. I have given them attention because I had something to learn here. Now that I have learned it, I have little patience left for these spirits unless they have intent to learn from me now. If these spirits have intent to go on talking to themselves, they can do it without my presence. On the other hand, neither will I. any longer tolerate the reversed patterns of this denial of Me, which falsely worships an image of me that suits the purposes of the ones worshiping it. Death it is the intent of both of these groups. The one kills in my name and the other serves death by saying that my light is not necessary in order to have life.
The Lost Will is Will that had to go outside of me to find out whether what I have just said is right or not. Lost Will has barely survived what it has had to experience to gain the understanding I am giving now. If I had another way to learn what had to be learned, I would not have had the Mother go outside of me. I had guilt for a long time that the Mother was the only one that could learn these things. The guilt vanished when I accepted myself for what I really am. I have the light that is life and the Mother gives me the means to exist. She experiences, but without Me, she cannot understand what Her experiences mean. She has no way to know without me and I have no way to know without her. The electro and the magnetic are not meant to be separated from one another; polarized, yes, but not separate. Heart is the result of our joining and Heart is the balance needed to Create. Anything that is not created from Heart balance cannot last long. Body, or Form, gives the reflection We need to see what it is We have created.
I have four parts and none are meant to be separated from the others. Spirit, Will, Heart and Body must all be together in a state of balance and alignment for life to last. Even a small imbalance or lack of alignment can grow into something that can kill the rest if it is not healed.
Lost Will must heal now and everyone on Earth has Lost Will. If you have desire to live, I urge you to read this book and all the other ones I am giving now. Understanding these teachings is not going to be an easy thing to do. You must experience these teachings to know that there are right.
Lost Will can be healed, but you must not think it is going to be as easy as healing the personal Will you began with. Lost Will has never known God. Lost Will has never known anything but denial, killing and death. Not only must Lost Will realize that it can throw these things off, it is going to have to gather the vibratory power to do that and the ability to know Me. Lost Will is going to have to open, and it must receive me this time instead of death. Anything that looks like death to it is going to make it move to close up again in fear that death is what it is again receiving. Your body holds some of this Lost Will, but much of it is in other people that you do not know are you. Healing Lost Will out there in others is not possible. You are going have to learn how to bring this essence within you and heal it there. Lost Will has literally been fragmented out of the parent’s spirits to whom it belongs and cannot respond to anything you tell it until you learn how to vibrate it.
You must understand that fragmentation is most of the reason there are so many people on Earth now. Fragmentation is a subject unto itself. During the course of this story, I will refer to what Lost Will holds. When I mention it, you need to know that something has fragmented it out that must be recovered later. At times I will not even mention it because I want you to learn to noticed this on your own.
I am not going to give any more understanding on Lost Will right now because you are going to have to feel it more to be able to understand it. Suffice it to say that most of the people on Earth are not real. If you have a feeling of shock now, then shock is what you are going to have to feel to understand. Getting through shock is an important skill to have if you want recover your Lost Will. Getting through shock involves movement in the Will rather than shutting down the emotional body and making judgments that allow you to lift out of the experience.
Even though I know it was a necessary experience for everyone involved, I still would have rather that we did not have to have the experience of Lost Will. I tried to spare as many as I could the experience of feeling it, but most of the Spirits would not listen to Me and thought I was having an experience that they should also have to be like Me. Now that the Manifested Spirits have Lost Will, it must be recovered either by the ones who created it or by the Mother; if not, it is only a matter of time until death takes over.
I have nothing more to say in this introduction so I will end it with My blessing and the hope that each of you who has intent to live takes these teachings in and finds the help you need there.
The Unseen Role of Denial
Four Winds Publications
535 Cordova Road
Santa Fe, New Mexico,87501
First Printing, 1986
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